Turning that "always" into an opportunity
When clients tell me about another person or scenario using words like “Always” and “Never” I get excited for them because they have discovered a great opportunity. These statements tell me two things right away 1) my client has an opportunity to move toward greater confidence and autonomy and 2) they’ve unconsciously identified a pattern, and we can DO something about patterns.
In my years leading philanthropy operations I learned that patterns are simply feedback. Once the patterns were identified we could create processes that helped all of our stakeholders (including ourselves) experience the work with more enjoyment and in a manner that left more time for the things that truly mattered.
What does it look and sound like to react to patterns and to proactively plan for them?
Let’s go back to the client using words like “Always” and “Never.” Here is a common philanthropy example: “Our president ALWAYS asks me for last minute data the week of a board meeting, after I’ve already turned our materials in. Then, I’m left scrambling to gather the data while I also have all of these other things going on. It’s really stressful. I lose sleep and get snappy at my family. This happens every board cycle.” Here is what I gently invite my client to consider, “if that happens EVERY board cycle, why are you still letting it impact you?” Often they respond with laughter and, “Why am I letting that bother me?!”
In this specific example, my client determined that going forward she would schedule less in both her personal and professional life the week of a board meeting. She spent a bit of time after our session adding blocks to her calendar for the year ahead. She also committed to practice deep breathing for five minutes a morning the week before and week of the meeting so that she showed up to work grounded and ready to add value through her responsiveness and excellent analytical skills. She reported back that the next board cycle was the smoothest one she had experienced yet! The last minute requests still came in but she had margin to respond, was able to be present at home and at work and even received positive feedback for the data she provided that week. This smooth board cycle led to an observable growth in confidence and enjoyment in her work, which of course spilled over into other areas of her life as well.
Sure, we likely have some inner work to explore here in coaching but sometimes a simple process improvement allows us to catch a breath and move toward ownership of our role and life. My clients are great at analyzing data and trends and supporting everyone else but sometimes struggle to see the patterns in their own lives. This is super normal and why working with a coach is so helpful. I love when my coach helps me notice patterns that I’m not aware of because then I can consciously choose what I want to do going forward and let me tell you, that feels WAY better!
If you or your team have an “Always” or “Never” scenario, I invite you to bring it to a complimentary coaching session. In less than an hour, I can help you become aware of the pattern and choose how you’d like to proactively respond going forward.
