“I’m just no good at networking”

“I’m just not good at networking” is a phrase I hear semi-regularly from the mission-driven leaders I coach and meet in the field; heck, it is a phrase I said myself years ago. When do I hear this? Often I hear this from people in transition, those that feel dissatisfied at their current employer, those seeking to grow into new roles and those that are in the process of launching something new and bold (like a new business!). They see “networking” as the thing holding them back. If only they were “good” at networking, their career or business would be successful, but, alas, they are just “no good” at it. There is sometimes a tone of defeat that comes with this phrase, one that implies this is just how it is and their fate and “stuckness” is sealed forever. 

Because of the frequency at which I hear this phrase, I’ve felt led to really sit with this and ponder where this limiting belief is coming from. I offer clients the Energy Leadership Index (ELI) assessment, an attitudinal assessment that helps raise awareness about how we show up in the world normally and under stress and unlocks insight to the why behind overwhelm and “stuckness.” With this awareness, clients have access to choices, they are able to choose whether they would like to begin showing up in new ways. I’ve had the great gift of reviewing the energy levels of many mission-driven leaders and walking with them through understanding their energy levels and common stressors. This data has provided me with a unique perspective on the motivators and stressors of these caring leaders. 

Many mission-driven leaders are motivated by a deep care and compassion for others. They love being able to help people and seek out or attract opportunities to do so. Without conscious boundaries this drive to help others can come at the cost of neglecting self-leadership and wellness. 

For these caring professionals, networking feels “icky.” This makes sense when it is viewed as self-promotional or an activity that “has to” be done to reach their professional goals. Networking can feel like it is bumping up against values such as Connection, Integrity, Authenticity and Community. 

If you’re a mission-driven leader feeling stuck or like networking is the thing holding you back from moving forward, I’d like to offer you a few challenges and reframes to unstick a bit….

What IS being “good” at networking?

Challenge this limiting belief right at face value. Often we say these phrases without considering what we actually mean. What would being “good” at networking even look and feel like? If you’re waiting for the day that you can enter a room without sweaty palms or a shaky voice, truthfully the day may never come. Growth is often paired with a healthy dose of discomfort, if you’re regularly only in rooms that you’re 100% comfortable in you’re likely not challenging yourself. I’ve honestly never heard anyone say “I’m really good at networking.” You’ve got this, if you have nerves reaching out to new people, good! You’re challenging yourself to grow, keep going!

Embrace your superstrengths 

You care for other people. You like helping others. You find fulfillment in connecting people with the support and resources they need to be successful. THAT’S NETWORKING! You’re already doing this. When you view networking as self-serving, it makes sense it feels icky, this self-promotion likely feels at odds with your values. But networking really is just about people connecting with people. You’re good at that, you love people! I encourage you to reject the framing that networking is self-serving and instead embrace the idea that in expanding your network you’re creating new connections that will allow you to help and support more people. 

Redefine networking

It might be intimidating to go to a formal “networking” event but there are so many ways you’re already connecting with other people; networking events need only be one piece of your network. Every time you join a group, volunteer, attend an event, you’re connecting with people. Again, lean into your superstrength in these spaces. Actively listen for opportunities to contribute, connect, learn and grow. It can be helpful to seek places and spaces with people that share similar passions and interests; when you find your people, connection and conversation flow. And, it is ok if it feels awkward (it often is!). 

Up-level with intention

Alright, you’ve dropped the notion that there is such a thing as being “good” at networking. You’re embracing the idea that networking is not self-promotion, it is simply connecting with other humans. You’re starting to expand your view of the places and spaces that you could now consider networking and looking for opportunities to connect, contribute, learn and grow. Way to go!! Now, how to up-level? 

With a minor investment of time and organization, you can add some light structure to your networking that allows you to build awareness and remain intentional. I encourage clients that desire to grow their network to start a simple spreadsheet. When you meet new people that you’d like to stay connected with, add them to the spreadsheet, along with their contact information, where you met and when you met and when you’d like to connect with them again. Then, STAY CONNECTED! Refer to your spreadsheet periodically and when its been awhile since you connected send a quick email or text to find time for a coffee chat or other connection opportunity. And, I am all for keeping things organic. If someone intuitively comes to mind, reach out to them. Say hi and let them know you’re thinking of them. 

Reject the notion that tracking something makes connection less organic. By tracking anything you’re raising awareness about what is and is not happening and this allows you to make intentional choices. We put people’s birthdays in our calendars because we care about them and want to remember to reach out to them on their special day; this is thoughtful and intentional. Your networking spreadsheet is the same thing.

You can do this!

Notice that none of these tips or suggestions contains advice about asking for a new job, getting a promotion or growing your business? Adding this type of pressure really isn’t necessary. Investing in connections consistently is all you need to do. If you’re listening and leaning in to your superpowers, you’ll create a caring community of support that you can help and will be there to help you in turn. 

I help mission-driven leaders elevate their impact without losing themselves in the process. Through our work together, clients report higher levels of confidence, connection and satisfaction. If you’d like help unsticking from the limiting beliefs you have around your own growth (including networking and more) I would be honored to be a support for you. Schedule time to connect to explore if coaching is right for you in this season.

PS. I'm no graphic designer. In an effort to choose progress over perfection, all images posted in these blogs are created by AI.