What if you cannot make a mistake?

How has the fear of possibly doing something “wrong”, or not getting it “right” held you back from achieving your goals? Or, even setting goals? Setting and moving toward your goals begins to put a stake in the ground and for those of us that fear failing it can feel easier to just not set them at all. For years, I struggled to set goals that I might not meet. I sometimes set them, but only if I knew with certainty I would not only meet, but exceed them. Then, I learned a principle that challenged this approach and now, when I choose to lean into this principle, I live freer and reach further than I ever thought possible….

“You cannot make a mistake.” As a recovering perfectionist and someone who struggled over many years to learn that I cannot control other people or situations, I balked at this principle* when I first learned about it. How could it possibly be true that I cannot make a mistake? This principle came back to me time and again, with my own coaches, in my training and in my own personal reflections. “I cannot make a mistake.” I’ve heard it said many times in weight-lifting and in yoga that it’s the exercises or positions that you like the least that you need the most. Clearly this principle was like an uncomfortable position; I needed to lean in and allow it to do its work. Reflecting on this principle has shed light on the places that I held myself back for fear of making a mistake. There have been times when I’ve played small for fear of the consequences. Times that I haven’t made the move because I wasn’t 100% sure how things would turn out or how someone else would react.

Here’s the thing though, the idea that I can control outcomes or other people is an illusion. Sure, I have influence in certain areas of my life, but I don’t actually have control of anything beyond my own choices. Truly embracing this principle means that I get to make my choices and let go of the outcome. And, when I do, I let go of the fear of making a mistake and begin to see more opportunities and I seize them as they present themselves. I trust that my skills and experiences are leading me to well-informed decisions and I have everything I need to navigate what comes next. There is such freedom when I allow myself to experience this.

As I’ve found myself setting goals and making plans for the new year ahead, I found this pesky principle nudging me again. I was not writing down goals that scare me because I don’t know how they’ll turn out. They feel vulnerable. I may not actually reach them. But they also, intuitively, feel like the right next thing. I’ve now sat with this uncomfortable “you cannot make a mistake” principle long enough to know that when it comes up, I’m allowing fear and control to overtake intuition, experience and opportunity. So, I took a breath and reminded myself “I cannot make a mistake” and wrote them down and shared them with my coach. With that scary part over I now have space to take meaningful steps toward meeting my goals. I know that even if I don’t meet my goals in the way I’d prefer, I am going to learn, make progress and new opportunities will continue to present themselves.

What goal do you want to achieve this year but you’re afraid to say out loud? How is the fear that it might not turn out exactly how you want holding you back? How might the people around you benefit if you began to embrace the principle that you cannot make a mistake?

If you’ve found yourself dreaming smaller so that you can control the outcome or if this principle strikes you as unbelievable, let’s talk. Coaching may be just the thing that helps you open up possibilities and experience deeper freedom and impact. To gain support with setting and moving toward your goals (those said and unsaid), let's set up time to connect.

*This is my interpretation of a principle from the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)